Avoiding the Drop

(Sorry about the last week; I was in the hospital with a bit of a health issue, but I’m recovered (recovering) and back now. I thought about going back and doing all the stuff I missed, but I figured Fulham fans would rather not relive Monday.)

What you missed while getting ready for a future of jellyfish meals…

• English Premier League roundup: Manchester City 1-0 Tottenham.
• The Qatar World Cup bid team has denied allegations that they purchased votes; they see the money spent as more of an “investment” than a “purchase”.
• Manchester City’s win over Spurs guarantees them fourth place and Champions League football next season.
• In spite of his late appearance against Spurs, City captain Carlos Tevez is not guaranteed a start in the FA Cup Final on Saturday.
• Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini is interested in bringing Cesc Fabregas and Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Eastlands next season.
• Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson will give Darren Fletcher a chance to prove himself ahead of the Champions Leage final.
• In a move that shocks nobody, Manchester United plan on playing a reserve side against Blackpool on the final day of the season to prepare for the Champions League final. Ian Holloway isn’t expected to complain about the hypocrisy of not fining United for fielding a weakened side.
• Chelsea midfielder Michael Essien will end his self-imposed retirement from the Ghanaian national team when he plays against Congo next month.
• Liverpool have edged ahead of Manchester United in the imaginary race to sign Aston Villa winger Ashley Young for £15 million.
• Roque Santa Cruz hopes to continue not scoring for Blackburn next season.
• Birmingham goalkeeper Ben Foster will take a break from sitting on the bench for England to focus on actually playing for Birmingham.
• Birmingham have announced a preseason tour of Tanzania.
• 35-year old Wolves defender Jody Craddock will decide whether or not to play another year at the end of this season.
• Real Madrid phenom Cristiano Ronaldo scored his seventh hat trick of the season in Real Madrid’s 4-0 dismantling of Real Getafe Getafe Team Dubai; Ronaldo is now five goals ahead of Lionel Messi in the league scorers table, so he’s clearly the better player and we should really just give the La Liga title to Real Madrid, since that’s really all that matters.
• The mother of deposed Real Madrid playmaker Kaka has announced on Twitter that she’ll be in London this August, which has made everyone think that Kaka’s going to move to Chelsea.
• A return to Serie A “[isn't] on the cards” for Wolfsburg defender Simon Kjaer.
• AC Milan’s shot at the league-cup double was ended by a loss to Palermo in the Italian Cup semifinal last night.
• AC Milan have confirmed that Olympique Marseille defender Taye Taiwo and Roma centerback Philippe Mexes will join the club on free transfers this summer.
• Milan midfielder Gennaro Gattuso had some pointed things to say about former manager Leonardo’s decision to join rivals Inter Milan, but since apparently nobody at FourFourTwo speaks Italian I have no idea what those things were.
• Napoli striker Edinson Cavani has been handed a three-match ban for whatever it was he did Sunday.
• Lille’s 2-1 win over Saint-Étienne gives them a seven point lead at the top of Ligue 1 with three games to play.
• Benfica’s president has blamed their lackluster season on excessive partying following their title-winning season last year.