Avoiding the Drop

Estonia v. Finland (Friday)

This match is too rife with nerdy possibilities not to preview it. Finnish and Estonian are two very closely-related languages- both being part of the Uralic language family. Did you know that? The “Eagle-Owls” of Finland are currently ranked 49^th by FIFA, the Blue Shirts of Estonia are ranked 104^th. Needless to say, Finland leads the all-time series by a healthy margin, and its biggest ever win also came at the expense of the Estonians. Fun Fact 1: The only Estonian football player I can name off the top of my head is former Sunderland, Arsenal, Portsmouth, Derby County and Watford goalkeeper Mart Poom. Fun Fact 2: Jari Litmanen- once of Ajax, Barcelona, and Liverpool- is Finland’s all-time cap leader and still a regular in the national team at the age of 39.

New England Revolution v. Toronto F.C. (Saturday)

I’m a bit surprised at how happy I was with the Revs 0-0 draw with San Jose last weekend- such are the diminished expectations of an injury-riddled season. Speaking of injuries, the Revs’ list this week includes Twellman, Reis, Osei, Videira, and Barnes. Alston and Jankauskus may be available, and Shalrie Joseph is still dealing with his personal “issues.” As for Toronto, their record may look “mediocre,” but it’s good enough for third place in the Eastern Conference and it represents a leap forward for a club that has never finished higher than fifth place in the table. Fun Fact: Toronto’s Julian de Guzman may be the worst “designated player” signing in the history of the league. Watching him play I can’t believe he once played in both the Bundesliga and La Liga.

Houston Dynamo v. D.C. United (Saturday)

Why does D.C. United want to win this match? Because if they don’t they will enter next week’s “Wooden Spoon Derby” with Chivas U.S.A. as an even bigger underdog. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is going to happen. Houston may not be what they once were, but Dominic Kinnear, much like New England’s Steve Nicol, seem to be able to get the most out of their players year-in and year-out. D.C. are the mirror image of the Dynamo- plenty of talent that just isn’t delivering the goods- and it’s probably going to be a while before there is any improvement. Fun Fact: When Bob Bradley is ousted as USMNT coach (late July, perhaps?) would anyone else like to join me in launching a write-in campaign to get both of the guys mentioned above interviews for the job?

Chivas U.S.A. v. Real Salt Lake (Saturday)

Look, RSL are not a bad team- obviously they are the defending champions- but this match is still one of those that I would only watch if you forced me to. There is just nothing about either of these teams that I find compelling. Kyle Beckerman’s dreads make me more than a little sick to my stomach and Sacha Kljestan can’t decide whether he wants to be the kind of player that European teams chase AFTER or a run-of-the-mill MLS lifer. Chivas are in last place, despite having enough points to put them in the middle of the table if they were in the Eastern Conference instead of the Western Conference. Fun Fact: Chivas’ Zach Thornton- 2009 MLS Goalkeeper of the Year- won his first USMNT in 1994 and has only earned seven more in the following 16 years.

Crystal Palace Baltimore v. Portland Timbers (Saturday)

This is the first of this weekend’s previews of soon-to-be-MLS teams, the team in question being the Portland Timbers. Will they keep a Second Division (or whatever) club when they move up? Will the rival with Seattle be the best in all of MLS? And where will Vancouver fit into this Pacific Northwest Triangle? Here’s another question- has the relationship between Crystal Palace and their American branch been beneficial to either side? There’s only one Englishman on CPB’s roster, and he never played for the mother club and there are currently no American players anywhere in the Crystal Palace system. Fun Fact: Portland’s Takayuki Suzuki has had a total of six different spells with the J-League’s Kashima Antlers- four of them lasted less than five matches.

Vancouver Whitecaps v. Rochester Rhinos (Saturday)

A few years ago when they were still called the “Raging Rhinos” I would have picked Rochester to be one of the first teams to be added to MLS, instead it is Vancouver that represents the second team that will soon be coming to an MLS city near you in 2011. Not only did Rochester make a habit of winning or finishing as runner-up in the various second divisions, but they also won a US Open Cup and filled their stadiums- the most recent one being soccer-specific- on a regular basis. Unfortunately, they followed all of this up by going bankrupt in 2008, thus ending any hope of becoming and MLS expansion team any time soon. Fun Fact: In 2002 the Proclaimers played the Whitecaps team song, “White is the Color,” live at halftime of a Vancouver match.

Vermont Voltage v. Western Mass Pioneers (Saturday)

I went to see the Pioneers’ first match as a PDL side last Saturday night (a 0-1 loss to Albany) and I’m not sure what I think. You may remember that during the whole USL “hub-bub” last year the Pioneers chose to “self-relegate” from USL-2 to the PDL. As a result, this formerly professional club is now- due to the league rules- mostly amateur and much younger (teams must have three players 18 our younger and no more than 8 over the age of 23). The quality of play was about what you’d expect from less-experienced players- occasional flashes of quality, but also plenty of passes that went nowhere and plenty of shots that were…just a bit outside. Fun Fact: I will be wearing my iPod at any further matches as I unfailing choose seats next to mindless chatterboxes.

Bayern Munich v. Internazionale Milano (Saturday)

Normally I find the Champions League pretty compelling, but this year? Not so much. I’m not sure why. I guess the mix of teams and the match-ups they produced just didn’t do it for me. Plus, a lot of the teams I like to root against were knocked out of the competition early on so that took some of the fun out of it for me. Anyway…based on the matches I did watch, I think Inter is going to win and I think they are going to do so with relative ease. Partly because they are so well-coached and partly because I’ve yet to see anything “special” from Bayern. Fun Fact: Inter manager Jose Mourinho will, of course, be coaching elsewhere next season. I’d like “elsewhere” to be Liverpool. It would be kind of like putting Michael Schumacher behind the wheel of a piece of farm machinery.

Blackpool F.C. v. Cardiff City F.C. (Saturday)

I’m pulling for Blackpool to win this match, and with it promotion to the Premier League. In addition to recently completing their 103 consecutive season in League football, Blackpool were also the club of the immortal Stanley Matthews. As I mentioned once before, Matthews played almost 800 matches for club and country without receiving a red or yellow card.. While it would be interesting to see Cardiff City, a Welsh club, in the top English league, does the EPL really need a team that is already in financial trouble? I’m going to say…no. Fun Fact: When the renovations are complete Blackpool’s Bloomfield Road stadium will seat 16,000 supporters. Should they make it to the EPL, it will be the smallest stadium in the league by over 9,000 seats.

Wick Academy F.C. v. Formartine United F.C. (Saturday)

You didn’t honestly think that I was going to skip a Highland League match on the final day of the season, did you? This is Formartine’s first year in the Highland League and they have done quite well- they are currently in seventh place, have won their last seven matches, and are the highest ranked of the three new teams that entered the league this year. The Scorries of Wick are currently two places below the newcomers but still remain the most northerly club in the league, so there’s that! Fun Fact 1: Many of the seats at Wick’s Harmsworth Park used to be at Ranger’s Ibrox Stadium. Fun Fact 2: Formartine are located in Pitmedden, a town of 1,200 hardy souls and there is room in their North Lodge Park for all of the residents and a bunch of their friends as well.