Santa is gearing up his sleigh, feeding the reindeer their special food, and double-checking that all of the presents to be delivered overnight tomorrow are wrapped and ready to go. He shared his list for the Premier League with me, and said I could share it with you.
Chelsea: They had asked for some help while some of their key players are off to the African Cup of Nations. Santa tells me that David Villa will be arriving just slightly after Christmas to assist the Blues throughout January and to continue their campaign to regain the title. They also asked for no injuries to the players heading to Africa, and Santa said he’d do his best.
Liverpool: Santa was shocked to hear how sad everyone is in the city of Liverpool right now, on both the Red and the Blue side. The Red side has asked for some more goal-scoring ability and someone with some ability to take charge of a match so that no more shenanigans take place. Sadly, without more cash, Santa says the best he might be able to do is Emile Heskey and even then, Heskey is a striker who doesn’t score at a great rate. What this team could really use in it’s stocking is some good luck and some stability.
Aston Villa: Santa knows this one is absolutely really simple. Continued good health, good luck and good performances. It’s hard to argue with what they’ve accomplished so far on their budget and assuming he doesn’t pluck Heskey for Liverpool, they should hopefully maintain their depth and talent this season.
Tottenham Hotspur: Santa is having a tough time deciphering this side’s wish list. On the one hand, they have an out-of-form captain who went behind the manager’s back to have a holiday party, and an ambivalent Russian striker who either doesn’t work hard enough or is misunderstood by the manager. On the other hand, they have two world-class England internationals who are in fine form up front at the moment, and the fastest midfielder in the Premier League who is currently wreaking havoc. The biggest need here is defense, and Santa knows they want more, but can’t understand why the wish list once again reads “midfielders”.
Manchester City: They have all the money they need, but what Santa has been asked to deliver is a reputation that will allow them to be a “destination club”. That and a top 4 finish. Santa will have a tough time fulfilling both wishes. I would expect Santa will have several new additions to the side in his large bag, but they won’t be arriving until January and will have to get into a squad that’s already deep and talented but a bit directionless. He also needs to bring Roberto Mancini some luck and peaceful waters. It’s a long wish list for this side.
Manchester United: Santa just needs to bring a better trainer’s table to Old Trafford. They’ve had so many injuries that it’s clear the old one is malfunctioning somehow.
Fulham: Santa needs to bring this side continued stability and the ability to stay below the radar. They could use some re-enforcements but it remains to be seen if their shopping list is reasonable or not. Continued success and a chance at Europe are their main wishes and Santa feels both requests are extremely reasonable given their rise up the table thus far.
Portsmouth: A huge sack of cash. The biggest sack of cash available. Santa is working hard, but this club’s biggest need may not be available by the time Santa makes his visit.
Arsenal: Yet another side that has the word “striker” on their wish list. The severe injury to Robin van Persie has left the Gunners a bit punchless, and thus, Wenger is under pressure to spend some January cash. Santa doesn’t need to bring them cash, he needs to bring them the right player that will fit in and not get hurt as well. Oh, and he needs to wrap Theo Walcott in bubble wrap every night before he goes to sleep.
Birmingham City: Santa has a tricky one here. They have cash to spend but Santa has to bring them the RIGHT players. This side has really done well since returning to the Premier League, they have good facilities and a good manager. They have cash to spend but it’s very easy to spend it incorrectly and thus, end up in trouble. Santa needs to bring this side good sense and more good luck. Not an easy thing to stuff in a sack but that’s what they most desperately need.
Tell us in comments what you think Santa needs to bring these sides or one that I didn’t mention here. Cheers.
Blackburn need 2 and a half things (assuming going back in time and not hiring Ince couldn’t be done): David Dunn to go on the longest run of good health in his career. And Stuart Holden to a) accept their overtures and b) not get screwed on playing time by BFS.
BFS is looking at a roster full of guys who will do the dirty work, run til they drop, etc, etc, etc. They desperately need creativity, as the “Dunn available:points taken” ratio (or the “MGP doesn’t suck:EPL finish ratio”) shows.
My $0.02. Please Santa…