Avoiding the Drop

Olympique Marseille v. Paris Saint-Germain (Friday)

Le Classique. Capital city against provincial city. White collar against blue collar. France’s two biggest clubs (Sorry, Lyon, you might be in first place, but it’s true) face off in a- what? A mid-table clash?! It’s true, both teams are trailing such perennial “powers” as Lorient and Valenciennes. A win could get either club within striking distance of the European places, but it’s a third of the way through the Ligue 1 season and both clubs have taken only five points out of their last five matches and that does nothing to suggest that either side is on form and about to make a run in the league. Fun Fact: Of the three players who have played in the most derby matches, none are French. They are Ronaldinho, Pedro Pauleta, and Mamadou Niang- who is Senegalese and at least a native French speaker!

Hull City A.F.C. v. West Ham United F.C. (Saturday)

Holy relegation battle, Batman! I think when the EPL season began we all expected to see Hull City in this position, but West Ham?! And yet… When you take a look at West Ham’s roster you can kind of see how this is happening. Robert Green is not the answer for England in goal, and apparently not for West Ham either. Junior Stanislas looks to be the real deal, but he doesn’t turn 20 for another two weeks. Luis Boa Morte is an aging forward with one goal in 65 appearances for the club. An ankle injury appears to have ended Dean Ashton’s career at age 25. For all the hype surrounding Scott Parker, he’s 29 and has exactly three caps. Basically, they’re a Cola-ship side playing in the top flight. They have some quality players- Carlton Cole comes to mind- but not enough of them.

Liverpool F.C. v. Manchester City F.C. (Saturday)

This was always going to be an interesting match, but given Liverpool’s recent struggles, it has suddenly become, well, important. The clubs sit in sixth and seventh place with Manchester City just a point ahead. Both clubs are hoping to make European competition in one form or another, and almost as important as that, both would like to crack the top four in the EPL. Liverpool see this as their birthright, whereas Manchester City would see it as confirmation of their rebirth. If the results of the weekend’s other matches fall right, either of these teams could achieve their goal with a win in this match. Then again, if Liverpool were to lose the match, they could be caught by Stoke(!) and overtaken by Sunderland(!). If that doesn’t set off a full-scale panic on Merseyside I don’t know what will.

Hannover 96 v. F.C. Schalke 04

What can you really say about this match- given recent events, does it really matter who wins? Schalke are currently in fourth place, but only one point out of second place and they look likely to make European competition in some form next year. Hannover 96 currently sit tenth (of eighteen teams in the Bundesliga), but as you might imagine, the recent death of goalkeeper of Robert Enke is the only thing on anyone’s mind at the club. The club’s players will, of course, dedicate the remainder of their season to their late teammate’s memory and they should be commended for that. The reality, however, is that given the loss of their starting goalkeeper as well as injuries to numerous other first team players, they will be lucky to avoid relegation to the 2. Bundesliga.

Luton Town F.C. v. Cambridge United F.C. (Saturday)

I thought it was time for another check on the status of the Hatters, the “stars” of our They’ve Fallen and They Can’t Get Up! series. Unfortunately, since we last checked in with them they’ve dip in form a bit- though they still hold the last playoff-promotion spot in the Blue Square Premier League. Cambridge are in ninth place and trail Luton by five points. Fun Fact: Cambridge manager Paul Ling signed on with the club in July of 2009 and then resigned nine days later because he couldn’t get along with chairman George Rolls. Rolls resigned the next day. Ling resigned with the club a week later. Fun Fact 2: Luton goalkeeper Kevin Pilkington was once one of Peter Schmeichel’s back-ups at Manchester United. Then again, so was Raimond van der Gouw- remember him?

North Queensland Fury v. Central Coast Mariners (Saturday)

If you don’t like Major League Soccer and one of your main criticisms against it is that it is a refuge for aging European players looking for weak competition and a few more paychecks, you’re not wrong, but you may have to rethink your argument. Australia’s A-League may just be more of a footballer’s retirement home than MLS. Let’s take a look at Ufuk Talay, a 33 year old midfielder for North Queensland: after starting his career in Australia’s old National Soccer League, he moved to Europe where he played for six different teams in Turkey and one in France. Then he returned to Australia before giving it one more try in the Japanese second division before returning to join the Fury. The average winter temperature in Townsville (home of NQF) is 77 degrees. Must be tough.

Glentoran F.C. v. Dungannon Swifts F.C. (Saturday)

And speaking of leagues where players go to coast into retirement, here’s one from the Northern Ireland Premiership. Both sides are doing well thus far in the season, with Glentoran in third place and Dungannon just three points behind in fourth. Glentoran are the current club of Keith Gillespie, who made over a hundred appearances for both Newcastle and Blackburn, and also spent time with Manchester United, Wigan, Leicester City, Sheffield United, Charlton, and Bradford. There must be “something in the water” in Dungannon- captain Paul Leeman has made over 500 appearances for the club and defender Colin Nixon has made a club record 626 since debuting as a 17 year old in 1995! Fun Fact: Dungannon need to work a little harder on their club crest.

U.S. Citta di Palermo v. Calcio Catania (Sunday)

I will resist making jokes about the Mafia on the eve of the Derby di Sicilia because, after all, there is no such thing as “the Mafia.” Catania are in second-to-last place in Serie A and look destined for relegation, though a win this weekend could ease their fears for at least a week. Palermo, and those FABULOUS! pink shirts they wear, are currently in 11^th place, but only four points behind the first of the European places. Fun Fact: Palermo are managed by Walter “Uomo Ragno” Zenga, former goalkeeper and manager for the New England Revolution. Do a Google image search for him and you’ll see why he should never have been allowed to wear a baseball cap- or choose his own goalkeeper shirt. Fun Fact 2: During the Upper Paleolithic Period Catania was home to dwarf elephants- seriously, you can look it up!

F.C. Bayern Munich v. Bayer 04 Leverkusen F.C. (Sunday)

These two clubs are arch-rivals, but this is not a “derby.” I know, I know, it’s confusing because the names are similar, but “Bayern” refers to Bavaria and “Bayer,” well, there’s an aspirin in the team’s crest, so its meaning should be self-evident. The once-powerful Bayern find themselves in the middle of the Bundesliga table and looking up at first place Leverkusen, who have yet to lose a match this season. That being said, there are only six points separating the two teams, and should Bayern win this match, there will be only three. Fun Fact: Sami Hyypiä now plays for Leverkusen- how much do you think Liverpool would like to have him on the back line again? Fun Fact 2: Bayern Munich also fields teams in handball, gymnastics, basketball, and, um, bowling.  And chess.

The New Saints F.C. v. Rhyl F.C. (Sunday)

I’m pretty sure we’ve featured a match from the Welsh Premier League before, but in case we haven’t I’m going to do that now. For two reasons, Wales in general deserves a little “pub” for hammering my beloved Scotland in a friendly last weekend and, I hope, shaking things up enough that there may be some good decisions made regarding the future of the national side. Fun Fact: You might think “The New Saints” is a bad name for a club, but do you want to say “The New Saints of Oswestry Town & Llansantffraid Football Club” every time they come up in conversation? I didn’t think so. Fun Fact 2: Rhyl F.C. (Clwb Pêl Droed Y Rhyl), is located in Rhyl in North Wales- also the home of the best rock band to ever come out of Wales- The Alarm. If you ever saw them live, you know. If you didn’t, I feel sorry for you.

Los Angeles Galaxy F.C. v. Real Salt Lake F.C. (Sunday)

I’ve been on the RSL bandwagon ever since their final regular season match against Colorado. Real Salt Lake might not be the most talented side in MLS, but in that match they displayed a killer instinct that I’ve seen from very few MLS clubs in recent times. For that reason, and because I simply can’t bring myself to support the Galaxy, I’m sticking with the underdog. Unfortunately for me, and I’m sure many others, we all know that what we want and what Don Garber wants are often two very different things and that is once again the case here. So, after the Galaxy win the match and the non-soccer media loses its collective mind because DAVID BECKHAM! has saved MLS, the offseason will finally be upon us. The only important offseason question: will I buy Revolution season tickets?

Henderson United Tigers v. EVERYONE

The Tigers enter the Henderson Cup Fall Tournament as the favorites. There are seven teams in two groups from the two U-10 divisions in the league. Group stages are Friday and Saturday, with the top two group teams playing the semi-final and final on Sunday. The Tigers only face one team that they haven’t played- Real United- on Saturday morning. Scouting reports indicate that the Tigers should be able to beat them. Last weekend’s win was not nearly as close as the final score indicated. Everyone is healthy, feeling confident, and everyone really wants to continue undefeated. As an extra incentive, the avoidingthedrop guys have offered a victory bonus: If Tigers win it all, you’ll be treated to a weekend recap and team picture on Monday! Here’s the schedule if you want to follow the action on Twitter (kevinnellis), all times Pacific:  Friday @ 7:20pm (v LV Nitro),  Saturday @ 9:40am (v Real United), Saturday @ 4:20 (v Gators). Semi- Final on Sunday @ 11:00am and Final on Sunday @ 3:00pm.