Avoiding the Drop

Houston Dynamo v. Los Angeles Galaxy (Friday)

Let’s go Dynamo! That’s right, I’m not only glad David Beckham has to miss England’s friendly with Brazil (see below) to play in this match, but I also want him to lose! Again, nothing against him personally (well, okay, maybe…), it’s more that I just don’t like the precedent he represents- there’s no need to make MLS into the NASL 2.0. Anyway, both teams appear to be healthy- excluding a few fringe players- and neither team will be missing any players through an accumulation of cautions, so this match should be as good as it could be under any circumstances. Fun Fact: Houston goalkeeper Tally Hall was born in SeaTac, Washington. That’s right, the town is in-between Seattle and Tacoma, so they chose to call it “SeaTac- and spelled with a capital “T.” Seriously, lay off the weed, dudes.

Chicago Fire S.C. v. Real Salt Lake (Saturday)

I’d really like to see RSL win this match. Some may say that the mere presence of Real in the final four reflects just how much parity (in the “bad” sense) there is in MLS and that it reflects poorly upon the league. I disagree. Is any competition as much fun when the semi-finals are made up of all #1 or #2 seeds? I don’t think so. To quote the Simpsons, having a underdog club make a bit of noise in the playoffs “embiggens us all.” Also, I would also like to see a certain Mexican player on the Chicago Fire roster leave MLS with a whimper rather than a bang. Aging stars who give half-hearted performances and collect fat paychecks at the expense of hungry young men playing the hearts out for a relative pittance is what makes MLS look bad. Do you hear me Don Garber? DO YOU!?

Republic of Ireland v. France (Saturday)

Why do I want Ireland to win this match? Well, aside from an affinity for my fellow Celts and the fact that both my senior thesis as an undergraduate and Master’s thesis were written on topics in Irish history, there’s this: if Ireland is successful on the international scene it raises the faintest hope that the Pogues and the Dubliners might get together again and write song as fantastic as the one they wrote for WC 1990! Fun Fact: Three players on France’s World Cup 1998 squad were not born in France! Patrick Vieira (Senegal), Marcel Desailly (Ghana), Lilian Thuram (Guadeloupe), and Christian Karembeu (New Caledonia). Fun Fact 2: The team also contain two “first generation” Frenchman- Zinedine Zidane and Youri Djorkaeff- and a Basque, Bixente Lizarazu.

Portugal v. Bosnia-Herzegovina (Saturday)

I don’t really care if Portugal make the World Cup. They remind me too much of England- bags of talent and no results to speak of. Beyond that, however, I’m kind of fascinated with the Bosnian team. Somehow this formerly war-torn nation of less than five million people has produced a national team in which every player plays in the top league of a European nation- well, except for goalkeeper Asmir Begovic, he plays for Portsmouth (ZING!). Perhaps the best known of these players is Vedad Ibisevic, who is tearing things up at 1899 Hoffenheim in the Bundesliga with 27 goals in 56 matches. Fun Fact: Ibisevic went to high school and college in St. Louis and could have played for the U.S. Fun Fact 2: Asmir Begovic has played four times for Pompey- and been put on loan six times in four years!

Italy v. Netherlands (Saturday)

This is the kind of match you hope for when you hear about an international friendly being set up. Not only are we treated to two powerful teams, but two teams that play very different kinds of soccer. Italy may not play catenaccio any more, but they still “grind out” every result they get- you don’t see a lot of goals from the Azzurri unless the opponent is weak. The Dutch are a lot of things on the pitch, but weak isn’t one of them. Sure, these are not the days of van Basten, Gullit, or Rijkaard, but there is still plenty of star power in the “Clockwork Orange,” including Mark van Bommel and Robin van Persie. Italy has Giuseppe Rossi, who is yet one more reason not to like New Jersey. Fun Fact: Gianluigi Buffon has played almost 650 combined matches for club and country and is still only 31 years old.

Spain v. Argentina (Saturday)

I really want to see Spain win this match- and handily. I like to encourage teams that I believe play “the right way.” Good goalkeeping, a tough guy (Carlos Puyol) in the back line- wait, I’m going to stop right there. Here’s all you need to know about Spain: if they wanted to go with a five man midfield it could be Fabregas, Iniesta, Silva, Xavi, and Xabi Alonso. Wow. Unreal. I have no problem with Argentina, but Diego Maradona just can’t lose enough for me. Why? Because people who waste their talents really get under my skin. Most people consider Maradona only second to Pele when discussing the greatest players ever- imagine what Diego could have done if he’d kept himself in shape an cut back on the coca. And yet, I don’t hate George Best. I guess I’m a hypocrite.

Estonia v. Albania (Saturday)

This, on the other hand, is about as unfashionable a friendly match as you could come up with: my apologies to the other contenders- Macedonia-Canada, Saudia Arabia-Belarus, et al. My big question here is, “Why is this match being played?” Both are out of World Cup qualifying (if they were ever really “in” it), so it’s not that. Preparation for EURO 2012? Sure. I’ll look to see both clubs in the final of that tournament- not. I did find something interesting about one of the players in this match: Albanian Altin Lala (captain of Albania and Hannover 96 in the Bundesliga) is nicknamed Kampfzwerg. That roughly translates to “The Battle Dwarf.” This would be even more incredibly awesome if somebody likened to a dwarf were not half an inch taller than me.

Brazil v. England (Saturday)

I’m not even going to pretend. I believe this will end badly. For England. As has been it’s tradition in international competitions, England usually flatters to deceive. Or, to put it another way, the “sum” of England is never as good as it’s “parts.” Worse yet, it is teams like Brazil that are usually the ones that expose the weaknesses in England’s make-up. Case in point? One or more of the following will feature in goal for England in this match: Ben Foster, Robert Green, or Joe Hart. Again, that’s Ben Foster- who caused Sir Alex to hold his nose each time he had to select him while Edwin van der Sar was hurt, Robert Green of about-to-be-relegated West Ham and the only England keeper ever to be red carded, and Joe Hart and his one international appearance. Suddenly David James seems a lot better.

United States v. Slovakia (Saturday)

I’m almost glad that I am not going to be able to watch this match- not live at least. Matches like this are usually used to sort out the roster for the next international competition, in this case, the World Cup. Sure, the injuries to Charlie Davies and Gooch complicate this a little bit, but Dax McCarty? He of the “career high” 3 goals and 6 assists this past season? Sheesh. Minus those players whose club commitments supersede participation in a friendly, here are come other choices from the official USSF “player pool”: Torres, Gaven, Adu, Thorington, Quaranta, Also, how is Michael Parkhurst not on this roster?! Oh, and Slovakia are a lot better than people think they are- I hope Bob Bradley realizes this. It worries me that I actually had to type that last sentence.

Scotland v. Wales (Saturday)

It’s only a friendly, and obviously I want Scotland to win, but mostly I’m just glad that this match is being played. It gives me hope that, someday, the “British Home Championship” will be held again. It was held for a century before being abandoned after the 1983-1984 season due to hooliganism, the “troubles” in Northern Ireland, and England’s wish to play stronger teams. Or, as I like to think of it, England’s fear of being embarrassed by smaller nations- which had happened in five of the last ten tournaments that were held. The competition will be “replaced” in 2011 by a biennial competition called the “Four Associations Cup” (also called the “Celtic Cup” by some), which will include the Republic of Ireland, but not England. England say they may play in future tournaments. Right.

Scotland v. Azerbaijan (Saturday)

No, one Scotland match isn’t enough for me either! So, let’s take a look at a match in Group 10 of the UEFA U-21 Championships. Scotland have -finally!- been given a “soft” draw in an international competition and may actually qualify for the tournament! Though currently tied on 9 points with Austria and Belarus, Scotland’s remaining fixtures are favorable: two matches against (currently) winless Azerbaijan, one against Belarus (whom they’ve already beaten once), and one more against Austria (to whom they lost 1-0). So, winning the group is still a possibility, and being one of the “four best second place” teams to make the finals is probably given that, even with a second loss to Austria, Scotland could still finish with 18 of a potential 24 points. Then again, I may have typed a very similar sentence about the senior side during WC 2010 qualifying, and we know how that turned out…

Ross County F.C. v. Ayr United (Saturday)

Yet another reason to support a team outside of its nation’s top division? No pesky international breaks to disrupt your season! Let us review: County are currently in third place on 24 points, only two behind first place Queen of the South and second place Dundee who trail only on goal differential. This weekend the Staggies travel to the dump which is Somerset Park to play last place Ayr United. County obviously need three points to keep pace with the league leaders, but even more so because Dundee and Queen of the South play each other on Saturday. A draw in that match and a County win and they are back in first place! A win would also get County to 27 points in six fewer matches than it took last season, which is a good thing. A very good thing.

Henderson United Tigers v. The Comets (Saturday)

This is the final game of the regular season for the Tigers and they are looking to complete a perfect season by going 9-0-0.  The Comets are new to the league this season and sit middle of the table. This should be a relatively easy game for the Tigers, but they will be playing a couple of players short as flu season has hit them hard this week.  They have already qualified for the Henderson Cup tournament next weekend. So here’s hoping they keep their eyes on the game at hand and worry about the tournament after winning on Saturday.