What you missed while the Navy was preparing sea lions for an underwater threat that may or may not be related to giant jellyfish…

• Quick Champions League wrap: AC Milan 1 – 1 Real Madrid, Manchester United 3 – 3 CSKA Moscow, Atletico Madrid 2 – 2 Chelsea, Bayern Munich 0 – 2 Bordeaux, Marseille 6 – 1 FC Zurich, Maccabi Haifa 0 – 1 Juventus, Besiktas 0 – 3 Wolfsburg, APOEL 0 – 1 FC Porto.
• In spite of his hernia, Fernando Torres will start for Liverpool tonight against Lyon.
• St. Etienne have been struck by swine flu…again.
• Manchester United 3 – 3 CSKA Moscow/the referees. I’d stop bringing this up if Ferguson would stop doing it every time they don’t win.
• Arsene Wenger believes Kieran Gibbs will do really well in place of Gael Clichy against AZ Alkmaar.
• For some reason, Pedro – the guy who backs up Lionel Messi at Barcelona – is hoping that Robinho’s brought on board in January. Because adding another winger will certainly increase his playing time, right?
• Newcastle have renamed St. James’ Park “sportsdirect.com@StJames’Park” until the end of the season.
• Mikel Arteta has gotten an infection in his knee that’s needed to be washed out. I’m a Browns fan, folks; I can tell when someone’s not telling you that they have staph, and this is one of those times.