Enjoy your footie, kids! I’m in Chicago attempting to eat my own weight in ballpark foodstuffs!
New England Revolution v. Toronto F.C. (Saturday)
Despite all of the injuries (Reiss is hurt again?!) the Revs have managed to stay with the pack thus far and if they ever get healthy (Taylor Twellman is the key player that remains sidelined), they might even make a move forward an find themselves in the playoffs. A win against Toronto this Saturday and the teams will be tied on points, and it will be hard to argue against the idea that Toronto’s fast start to the season might have been just that and that they will continue to slide back into the pack as the season continues. For the sake of consistency with my choice in this week’s “MLS Pick ‘em” post, I’m calling this one a draw. Probably 1-1.
Chivas USA v. Kansas City Wizards (Saturday)
This match could very well answer a question for each team. For the Wizards, it will be their toughest test of the season and it will answer the question, “Just how good are they?” For Chivas, it will answer a different question, “Have we just fattened up on weak Western Conference opponents, or are we really the best team in the league?” The answer for K.C. is, they’re good, but nowhere near great. The answer for Chivas is, yes, they are THAT good. Fun fact: Chivas have 8 more points than any other team and don’t have a single player on the league’s list of top ten scorers. I guess maybe we should start talking about Zach Thornton for league MVP- or at least for the Butkus Award.
San Jose Earthquakes v. Houston Dynamo (Saturday)
A few weeks ago this would have been a match between two of the weakest teams in MLS. However, over the last month Dominic Kinnear’s side has awoken and started to rise back towards the top of the Western Conference table. San Jose, on the other hand, have gone nowhere and done nothing. “Superstars” Bobby Convey and Darren Huckerby have 1 goal and 2 assists between them and that’s just not going to get it done. Side note: How would you like to be Tally Hall (age 24) or Tyler Deric (age 20) sitting on the bench behind 41 year old Pat Onstad? Any day now, you’ll get your chance, right? Not so fast, Onstad is the third-ranked keeper in MLS this season.
Los Angeles Galaxy v. F.C. Dallas (Saturday)
I want F.C. Dallas to win this match for no other reason than that I am sick and tired of hearing about the Galaxy’s “unbeaten streak!!” Really? We’re going to celebrate a team with one win in its first nine matches? Way to shoot for the top MLS! It seems to me that a “premier franchise” and multiple MLS Cup winner should be able to do a little better than that. Unfortunately, the Hoops are just awful and there’s little chance they’ll get more than a point out of this match. I wonder how much longer Kenny Cooper’s contract lasts? If I were Kenny I’d be down at the telegraph office getting in touch with every team in the Cola-ship about their plans for next year. Maybe then Bob Bradley would take notice…
Other MLS Matches:
Real Salt Lake v. D.C. United (Saturday)
Seattle Sounders F.C. v. Colorado Rapids (Saturday)
Chicago Fire S.C. v. New York Red Bulls (Sunday)
Aston Villa F.C. v. Newcastle United F.C. (Sunday)
Why do I want Villa to win? First, Brad Friedel, Brad Guzan, and Eric Lichaj. Second, I like any team with an Afro-Norwegian striker who shares a last name with an Afro-Panamanian Jew who is in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Third, I love hearing British announcers pronounce Carlos Cuellar’s last name, “Kweller.” Why do I want Newcastle to lose? First, nobody with an 80 IQ, no matter how good a player he was, should be running an EPL team. Second, they gave Joey Barton a job. Third, Mark Viduka is an ass. Fourth, Jonas Gutierrez could not look any sleazier unless they let him play in a leisure suit.
Hull City A.F.C. v. Manchester United F.C. (Sunday)
The usual question would be, “Will United rest its better players ahead of its Champions League match and by doing so throw a lifeline to relegation-threatened Hull City?” The answer is, “It doesn’t matter.” Even if United sit most of their starters, they could still field a side that includes Macheda, Nani, Rafael, Evans, Welbeck, Possebon, and Anderson. In short, a side better than anything Hull City could run out on their best day. Hull City’s best hopes of avoiding relegation lie in Newcastle and Middlesbrough losing their matches. I think they would also benefit from Phil Brown removing that damn flesh-colored earpiece. Something tells me every time he sees it, Tony Mowbray want to punch the spray tan right off Brown’s face.
West Ham United F.C. v. Middlesbrough F.C. (Sunday)
Did anyone else see American Jonathan Spector get faked out of his boots against Liverpool last week? Yikes. He looked like he wanted to dig a hole right their in the 18 yard box and climb into it. But I digress… I want to say that I admire the fight of Middlesbrough in trying to avoid the drop, but frankly, they played crappy football for a large part of the season and their current predicament is nothing more than they deserve at this point. Do they win this match and stay up? Probably not. They need to win, have Newcastle to lose, and have Hull City to lose BIG to United. That last one may happen, but the odds of the other two results going their way are so slim they could slide between a certain gaffer’s giant chompers.
Getafe C.F. v. C.D. Numancia (Saturday)
The bottom of the La Liga table is cluttered to say the least and almost every team in the lower half of the league needs to win to ensure that they remain in the top flight next year. Numancia are in the middle of the relegation zone and are actually playing well as of late, with seven points from their last five matches. Getafe sit two places above the drop zone, but have managed only four points from their last seven matches. A win for Numancia, were it accompanied by losses by Sporting Gijon and Osasuna- would make things even more complicated. Normally, I’d think that would be good, but it’s been a long campaign and I just want it to be over, so let’s hope Getafe wins and thins out the herd a bit going into the final week of the season.
F.C. Sochaux-Montbéliard v. F.C. Nantes Atlantique (Saturday)
As has been made clear previously in this feature Le Harve are done for, leaving only Sochaux and Nantes to battle their way out of the relegation zone. As luck would have it, they are playing each other this week! So, it’s the Canaries against the Lions and there can be only one. With two matches remaining in Ligue 1, it’s still possible for both of these clubs to survive, but they will need a lot of help from the teams above them- Saint Étienne, Caen, and Le Mans. What will the outcome bed? Once again, only Holmesian (Sherlock, not John) logic will provide the answer. I’ve been to Nantes and liked it very much- the daily market, located next to the Château des ducs de Bretagne- is spectacular, so the Canaries win and live to fight for survival in the final week of the season.
A.C. Chievo Verona v. Bologna F.C. 1909 (Sunday)
Things at the top of the Serie A table are pretty much set, so we turn our attention to action at the foot of the table. Chievo are two spots above the relegation zone and a win will ensure their survival in Serie A regardless of what happens this week or next. Things are not so clear for Bologna, however. A win against Chievo and a loss by Torino and Bologna need only to draw next week and they will be safe. Bologna are actually on a bit better form than Chievo over the last month or so, making this a very interesting match will rather serious consequences for the loser, should there be one. That being said, Chievo Verona are known as the Mussi Volanti or “Flying Donkeys,” and how do you pick against that?
Bayern München v. VfB Stuttgart (Saturday)
Should league leaders VfL Wolfsburg lose to Werder Bremen on Saturday and one of these teams win, that team will win the Bundesliga. I have to say I kind of hope that Stuttgart win this match and the league as a whole. Bayern didn’t do right by Jurgen Klinsmann and they make Porsches in Stuttgart. Also, it only makes sense that a Porsche would finish ahead of a Volkswagen, particularly one of those Wolfsburg editions. Question: Does anyone know why Thomas Hitzlsperger left Aston Villa? I mean he’s Stuttgart’s captain and has played for Germany 45 times! And what a cannon of a left foot!
Western Mass Pioneers v. Wilmington Hammerheads (Friday)
Four matches into the USL Second Division season and the Pioneers have yet to win, have scored only one goal, and find themselves in last place. Even better, they take on first place Wilmington this Friday at historic Lusitano Stadium in lovely Ludlow, MA. Here’s hoping that they’re able to turn things around and get a result this weekend because I’m going to be interviewing the coach and several players soon and something tells me it will make that a much easier process…
